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    Chutes and Ladders

    October 30, 2018

    A few days ago, I had this thought that life is kind of like standing in the middle of a ring of knife throwers at the circus. And I legitimately started writing about that, except

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    • Chai shortbread. The perfect cookie to have at night with tea. Or for an afternoon snack. Or with coffee for breakfast. Basically there’s never not a good time to eat these. I know because I’ve tested all of the times.
    • “Happiness of heart can never be measured out and bundled up; it's intangible. We keep running after it, grasping for it, and the heat of our running so seldom brings it closer. But now and then there may be a moment. We look at something and know it is good and beautiful. Those moments are happiness.” – Gladys Bagg Taber, an all-the-time favorite but especially so at this time of year
    • Sharing just a few of my favorite memories on the day we are celebrating you, because you gave us so much to celebrate. By the way, you also literally gave so much, a fact that I remember every time a random object stops me in my tracks. The candle in our living room. Meringue powder. A mattress. A t-shirt at the bottom of my pajama bin. The cancer dice. (I totally kept the cancer dice, mostly because I knew it would make you laugh someday.) But of course, these things are things, and the real gift was always you. You are loved beyond words and are already missed beyond words. And just as those two realities exist simultaneously, side by side, we won’t be ok and we’ll be ok. We’ll keep having dance parties and eating chips and watching The Great British Baking Show and taking care of each other. We’ll make sure the play-doh colors don’t get mixed. We’ll wish you were here every second of every day. Thank you for making life so full of the things that matter most, for showing us how to #choosejoy when it would be way easier to choose something other than joy. And thank you for these leggings I’m wearing right now. I love you, I love you, I love you.
    • Sometimes a good meal is exactly what you need, and this white bean and sausage ragu from @smittenkitchen was exactly what today needed. Not pictured: a grainy, seedy olive bread from @giantfoodstores with lots of garlic butter; warm chocolate chip cookies from @annieshomegrown. Life has been been very halfway-homemade lately and I am here for it.
    • This lantern fest was beautiful and chaotic, breathtaking and swift. Basically exactly like real life.
    • An especially lovely field trip to work not-from-home this morning.

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